I have struggled with this update for several days. I have written it in my head numerous times. Here's the thing, last Thursday we received bad news and I updated my blog based on emotion....I did not give myself ample time to digest the information. I sincerely apologize to anyone I have caused unnecessary panic or fear or any other emotion.
On Friday Jim and I went back to the Dr's office to have my first round of the new chemo treatment. Ilsa, the nurse practitioner who gave us the bad news the day before was sitting in front of me before I actually sat down. She wanted to go over what happened the day before along with the side affects of the new treatment. The side affects are mostly the same from one chemo to another be they have to be reviewed every time.
After that we started discussing the results of the CT scan again. She said we have options, it is just a spot on my liver which she demonstrated as being very small with her fingers. She told me 'this is not a death sentence' which is what I called it immediately after she gave us the update on Thursday. She told me I will be here to see my granddaughter born and wear the new dress we bought her and hold her lots of times. Jenn is due Feb 1 or may be induced on Jan 25. This is not to say that I will die right after that time frame but trust me, I let my emotions get the better of me and had myself convinced that was EXACTLY what it meant.
Neither Ilsa or Dr Rooney will discuss 'time'. They have both told me every time I've asked (five times now) we just don't know. The fact that we have options tells me they are not giving up and I shouldn't either. I don't think of myself as giving up, I was overwhelmed with the news on Thursday, read my blog from Tuesday, everything sounded good so the update was completely unexpected.
Just so everyone knows, I am having a brain scan done tomorrow at 3:15. Simply because the last time I had one was September.
So, I would like to again apologize for how I posted and how it may have come across as you read it. Anyone who has ever worked with me knows how fond I am of this statement 'Presentation is key.'
My presentation this time stunk, I am very sorry.
Jamie
Jamie - What a beautiful picture of you and your amazing husband! I am glad to hear that you were able to enjoy your Christmas - from the looks of the pictures on Facebook, it appeared to be a great time! (I loved the ornament from Josh and his girlfriend(?) and the M&M from Patrick (who is getting sooo big) was perfect!)
ReplyDeleteI hate that you are going through this - you have always been such an isnpiration to me... from your work ethics (you have told me many times that "presentation is key" and to "NEVER assume")... to your moral values... your love and committment of family...and your strength. You are an incredible woman and I hold you dear in my heart. Please don't apologize anymore for your reactions to this whole thing - you are allowed to be scared, and mad and sad!
Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and will always be in my heart!
~Celina